Run Unashamed
  • Blog
  • About
  • Training
    • Training Log
  • Donate
  • BED
  • Contact
a movement of remembrance and recovery

Day One

1/16/2016

1 Comment

 
Picture
It is a cold winter day on 28 December in San Diego--47 degrees at 9 am.  I am dressed in black shorts and a long sleeve orange shirt, determined to start training today for my 10 K. for Claire on 11 June.  The waves of the Pacific Ocean crash behind me, and I feel a burst of optimism.  I can raise money for this scholarship and do so by facilitating my own recovery from BED.
 
I feel I must set the right tone for this first run, and so I turn to classic hip hop: "I Go To Work" by Kool Moe Dee.  I was not "with it" enough to have listened to this song back in 1989, when it first came out, but it is a perfect start: "I go to work, like a doctor," the rapper begins, and then kicks in with:
Open the door playtime is over
Time to go to work and show the
Sucker in the place who run their face
The base and a taste of who's the ace
Start the race I'm coming in first...
As I run, I feel the difference between then and now.  Then, I weighed in at 130 lbs, and now, I am more than 200 lbs.  If you want to imagine what it is like to run with an extra 70 lbs, then imagine yourself dressed in running shorts and a t-shirt...and carrying two fat male cocker spaniels.  Can you now imagine how your knees and your lungs--as well as your overall self-esteem--will feel as you bumble down the jogging path awkwardly and very slowly carrying this extra weight.  I push on for fifteen minutes, my first run in months.  When I am done running, I do my best to engage in positive self-talk, but, fuck it, for just a moment, I allow myself to miss my skinny body!
 
As I walk back to the rental unit, I think about Maryclaire.  I get weepy as I listen to Jay-Z sing "Forever Young."  As I listen to the rap interspersed with Mr. Hudson's melodic piano, I come to two realizations that almost make me laugh: 1) I never listened to Jay-Z--or even any hip hop--with Maryclaire, because 2) Maryclaire was a committed Deadhead and yoga instructor, and so the idea of her turning willingly to hip hop when out on a walk is ludicrous (not Ludacris!).  I smile just a little at the thought as I give myself permission to not cry just this once.  I will just enjoy thinking about how Maryclaire might roll her eyes at the strange choice of music with which I remember her. 
1 Comment
Bonnie Lyons
1/19/2016 07:44:46 am

Keep running and blogging. Just keep going.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Stacy E. Holden 

    Remembering and recovering through running and blogging.

    Archives

    April 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016

    Categories

    All
    10K
    BED
    Fundraising
    Market Square Day
    Maryclaire
    Remembrance
    Scholarship
    Sparhawk School
    Training/running

    RSS Feed


    Donate Now

Home

About

Services

Menu

Contact

Copyright © 2015
  • Blog
  • About
  • Training
    • Training Log
  • Donate
  • BED
  • Contact