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It is a cold winter day on 28 December in San Diego--47 degrees at 9 am. I am dressed in black shorts and a long sleeve orange shirt, determined to start training today for my 10 K. for Claire on 11 June. The waves of the Pacific Ocean crash behind me, and I feel a burst of optimism. I can raise money for this scholarship and do so by facilitating my own recovery from BED.
I feel I must set the right tone for this first run, and so I turn to classic hip hop: "I Go To Work" by Kool Moe Dee. I was not "with it" enough to have listened to this song back in 1989, when it first came out, but it is a perfect start: "I go to work, like a doctor," the rapper begins, and then kicks in with:
Open the door playtime is over
As I walk back to the rental unit, I think about Maryclaire. I get weepy as I listen to Jay-Z sing "Forever Young." As I listen to the rap interspersed with Mr. Hudson's melodic piano, I come to two realizations that almost make me laugh: 1) I never listened to Jay-Z--or even any hip hop--with Maryclaire, because 2) Maryclaire was a committed Deadhead and yoga instructor, and so the idea of her turning willingly to hip hop when out on a walk is ludicrous (not Ludacris!). I smile just a little at the thought as I give myself permission to not cry just this once. I will just enjoy thinking about how Maryclaire might roll her eyes at the strange choice of music with which I remember her.